It seems there's no alleged crime too bizarre to occur in Northeast Ohio. Here are some of this week's weird calls and charges. All information was provided by police reports from departments in Patch communities.

Threatening Words: Though an Akron man returned the clothing he tried to steal from Walmart, he still ended up in a Fairlawn Police cruiser. He also had some threatening words for the arresting officer.

Derek Sampson, 50, tried to walk out of Walmart in Fairlawn on May 13 with three pairs of shorts. When a security officer confronted him, Sampson returned the items. Officers arrested him for theft when he tried to exit again. Once in the cruiser, Sampson told the officer, "You're a dead man … I don't talk to dead men."

Read more of the conversation here.

Garment-free Getaway: A Kent woman sped away from police on May 10, and did so without any clothing.

Driving a 2002 silver Grand Prix, the woman led officers from Kent, Stow and Macedonia on a high-speed chase before being arrested on state Route 8 in Bedford. Officers said she was naked upon arrest. The Kent Police Department had previously put out an alert for the woman because she threatened to harm her child and another relative before she left the Silver Meadows Complex in Kent.

Stow officers parked on Graham Road began chasing her after she sped by, heading toward Macedonia at about 4 a.m. She initially refused to get out of her car.

Stow Police said she could face multiple charges including reckless operation, running a red light and resisting arrest. It remains unclear why she was naked.

Very Messy Vandals: A woman who works for a Solon firm called police earlier this month when she found her car covered in snacks and moisturizer after work.

Vandals smeared lotion on the 21-year-old Swagelok employee's windows and filled her interior with chocolate and sunflower seeds. The woman knew one of the victims, and the two previously exchanged words in Maple Heights.

The suspects told police it was just a prank and that they had planned to clean up the mess.

On Foot with a Flat-Screen TV: Lakewood Police are investigating a missing flat-screen TV.

At least one witness saw the TV after it went missing on May 10 because the suspect was spotted running with it under his arm on Madison Avenue around 9 p.m.

About 20 minutes after that call, police heard from a resident who said her neighbor stole her TV and phone.

Pale in the Parking Lot: A 28-year-old Clinton man became visibly unnerved on May 7 when Fairlawn officers confronted him about a woman's accusation that he performed a lewd act in the Summit Mall parking lot.

A woman told police she saw the man sitting in his car with the windows down and his genitals exposed as she walked to her car. When officers asked him what we has doing, he said he was waiting for a friend to arrive at noon for lunch.

The primary hole in the story was the fact that it was 1 p.m. by the time officers arrived.

The man's face became pale as he told officers that the heat made him unzip his jeans to adjust his boxers. Police charged him with public indecency and banned him from the mall.

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