Work/Life Balancing Act for Working Moms

Extreme parenting  is the only way to describe motherhood while balancing the home, children and a career.

Without making it seem as though working moms are martyrs, juggling a career and family is no easy feat. No doubt about it. It is difficult enough balancing all of the responsibilities of a mom without throwing the career thing into the mix.

I have been a Type-A, obsessive-compulsive full-time working mom of three children for over 12 years. It has been challenging, rewarding, exhausting, fulfilling, frustrating, and exciting all rolled into one.

(Okay, I italicized the negative ones. So what?!)

Just as there is no general right or wrong decision about being a working mom versus being a stay-at-home mom, there is also no magical formula to the work/life balance.

I wish there was. I would patent it. Write a book. Or both. And, I certainly wouldn't have to worry about fitting orthodontist appointments between conference calls and school musicals.

However, here is what I know: It takes some serious organization and multi-tasking, much patience, less than perfect standards, sky-high creativity and as much help from family and friends that you can solicit to pull it off (and as your children get older, a kick *ss cleaning lady is also helpful!).

Like I said, I don't have the magic to create the perfect balance, but here is what I have learned.

1. First and foremost, what is it that you want? Deep down, in your core, do you want to be a working mom?

We have seen it for years. Women are very influenced by others when it comes to this issue.

Make no mistake about it, spouses and significant others are vital in this decision. However, do your best to not become consumed with the opinions of everyone else in your life. Different strokes for different folks.

When I was pregnant at age 26 with Audrey, who is now 12, there was no question in my mind that I would go back to work. I had spent some grueling days and nights getting to where I was in my career.

Staying at home with Audrey during the day, when she was an infant, was so not an option for me. It wasn't how I was created, nor what I had planned. I was okay with that, in my gut and in my heart.

You may feel something else in your gut (or something similar in your heart) and that is OK.

You need to know that.

Your child(ren) will not grow up whacked because you didn't do what the PTA mom or your best friend did.

2. Negotiate part time, flex time, telecommuting, reduce hours or a combination.

You may think you know your employer, supervisor, boss ... whatever you want to/need to call him or her. But he/she may blow your mind with their flexibility and/or accommodations.

When I had Audrey, I happened to be working under my best friend at the time. Yet, our employer was a larger hospital system.

As I always have, at the time, I thought the world could not revolve without me. Within days after birth, I was in the office trying to get stuff done. Um, they didn't like crying, pooping babies in the office. And, my best friend had to tell me so. It was so not what I expected.

Well, Audrey grew a few years, and eventually we had Isaac. Our life got a bit more hectic with almost four years separating them.

I knew that Matt, being the father, wouldn't be seen as a viable option to the work/life balance (in his office), so I decided to ask my boss ... the owner of our company ... to change my hours to 7 a.m.-ish to 3 p.m.-ish. After all, someone needed to be home when Audrey got home from school!

I had no idea what his response would be, and honestly, I think I was shaking in anticipation of having that conversation. Yet, since that day, I have rarely worked past 3:30 p.m. Just because I asked, and I remained on task.

Fast forward a couple of years and, because of the tanking economy, our company wasn't "offering" raises. So, I negotiated Fridays off. Fair trade. Summer BONUS!

I won't get into the details, but most recently, I decided it was time to truly go part-time. Because all of the other flexibility had worked, my boss ... the same one for eleven years ... knew part-time would be possible, too.

You do not know until you ask.

3. Get it out of your mind that you cannot afford "it."

Whatever "it" is. Whether it is working because you think you can't afford not to. Or not working because you think you can't afford day care. In most instances, you would be surprised at what you can or can't afford. 

However, it all comes with a price. 

If you work, you sacrifice time with your child ... you sacrifice getting stuff done during the day time hours (and with a family there is a lot of STUFF!) ... you could sacrifice family meals ... lots of sacrifices.

If you choose to stay at home, consider the sacrifices you would make, because there are many. In all honesty, I am staying away from identifying these sacrifices. Since I have not chosen to stay home full time, I do not want to touch this with a 10-foot pole. Move on to point No. 4.

4. If you are a working mom (OR a stay at home mom), you still have the need (and need time) to do what is important to you, and that may not include your children or your spouse.

If you don't figure out how to remain you through motherhood, you will become a very angry woman. I know. I have been there.

I have been married for over 15 years to a man who loves to "do." He loves to work. He loves to volunteer. He loves to dream. He loves to go, go, go.

At about the seven year mark of our marriage, he had a hard time saying "No" to anything, which meant that I was not only working full time and managing a household, but I was also alone with the children, with very little 'me' time.

I need "me" time. (We all do.)

The imbalance did not work. And, I told him so. He eventually scaled back, and I had the opportunity to pursue some things I had been interested in doing outside of my life as a mom, a wife and an employee. Go figure.

I needed something just for me. And, so do you. Without guilt. 

5. Stay flexible.

Hindsight is 20/20.

However, I am so thankful that I allowed my gut, heart and our ever evolving family life to influence our work schedules.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home mom. Absolutely nothing.

I think many moms feel like they will stay home while their children are young, and then they will work or go back to work when their children are in school all day.  

Throw the stats at me about the adjustment and bonding issues of children in day care settings. Come on ... bring it ... I have read them all. 

However, we have found, in our family of three children from the ages of 5 to 12, that our children have needed us so much more to be present when they have been school-aged, influenced by peers, and making their own decisions throughout much of their day.

(Tack extracurriculars on to that. Yowsa. Sometimes logistically, it is a nightmare.)

Don't get me wrong. An infant, toddler or preschooler needs his/her parent(s) just as much as a school-age child does.

I would not jeopardize any of my children's needs for my career or outside interests. But, in most cases with working moms,  it is not an if / then situation.

If the stats are correct, then so far, my family - and many, many others in our community - have broken the mold. And, our family is not perfect (far from it).

THAT is why the stats don't scare me, and they should not scare you. It can be done.

Did I mention that balancing the home, children and a career can be challenging, rewarding, exhausting, fulfilling, frustrating, and exciting?

It sure can. And, if it is for you, it is so worth the juggling act.