A Year's Worth Of Funnies From My Children

Kids' one-liners are the best!

Every year we send out a family newsletter, and everyone’s favorite part always seems to be the list of one-liners my kids have come up with throughout the year.

This is part of that list; I hope these will help you start your year with a smile.

On the way to the doctor with Adelaide, I said, "Please do not toot on the
doctor this time." Adelaide: "Or he will not give me a sucker?" Me: "Would you give someone who tooted on you a sucker?" Adelaide: "Yes, if they were behind me."

Overheard during bathtime: Adelaide: "Are you scared of ovarians?" Josie: "Ovarians? You mean barbarians?" Adelaide: "Yes, barbarians. Are you scared of barbarians?" Josie: "No, not really."

Mom: "Good morning, my little sunshine." Josie: "I’m not sunshine. I’m moonshine."

Adelaide handed me a fortune cookie and said: "Here, Mom. Can you get the directions out?"

Mom: "Well, if you must." Josie: "I must."

Sadie: "God is like a genie, but better."

Adelaide, in the bathtub: "It's raining, it's pouring, the dinosaur is snoring."

Adelaide: "Mommy, sometimes you are allergic to fun."

Mom: "On top of spa-GHETTI, all covered with CHEESE, I lost my poor MEATball..." Josie: "Don't sing that song. It makes me sad."

“Blood in the Water. I think that’s what I’ll call my book.” - Sadie, after picking a scab off her knee in the bathtub.

Adelaide, while putting together a Wizard of Oz puzzle: “Hey! Here is a piece of the Ella Fa Krode!"

Josie, in response to me saying that she was a big girl: "I am not a big girl. I am a tiny woman."

Adelaide, gazing up into the blue fall sky: "Hey, look! A bird herd!"

Sadie: “Hey, Mommy, did you hear some crying coming from the direction of the
refrigerator? I think maybe it was the SCREAM cheese."

Mommy to a crying Jed, after he fell off the couch and bonked himself: "Oh,
Jeddy, what did you hit?" Adelaide to Mommy: "I think it was the ground, Mommy! I think the ground."

Adelaide asked for more ice cream after already having a whole big bowl. I said, "MORE? Are you kidding me?" She said, "Ha ha, yeah Mom. No, actually, I'm not."

Grammie tried to take Josie's picture but Josie threw her arms up in front of her face and said, "No geography, please!" Grammie: "Don't you mean photography?" Josie: “Whatever.”

My 3 girls had a "sleepover" in Adelaide's bedroom floor. I went in to kiss them goodnight and accidentally stepped on Sadie's leg. She said, "Ohhh! That's my bad hip!" She's 8.

After reminding my two oldest daughters that they need to be nice to their little sister even when she's a pest, Sadie informed me, "But Mom! She keeps persecuting us!"

Josie to Adelaide (in a frustrated voice): "Adelaide! Can you PLEASE talk inside your head?"

Reading Adelaide’s ABC book at bedtime: “Mommy, do not tell me the letters. I can do them. That’s A. That’s B. That’s C. And that one– don’t tell me—that one is 2.”

Josie, upon being told that we were out of milk: “NOOOoooo! Say it isn’t so!” Me: “It’s so.” Josie: “Well, can we make a little memorial for the milk? Like with a little cow and an empty carton?” Me: “I didn’t know you knew the word ‘memorial.” Josie: “Yeah, well, I’m just full of surprises.”

Mom: “Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?” Adelaide: “I want to do it NO way!”

Adelaide, after too much Halloween candy: “Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her Nerds and Milky Way….”

Josie: "Baton Camp makes me feel happy and joyous. And also less grumpy."

I hope your year is less grumpy than last year – and that it’s happy and joyous,

If you have some favorite funny sayings from your kids, I’d love to hear some of
them in the comments.

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

gail gorby January 14, 2013 at 05:36 PM
You have the funniest kids, EVER!!
Susan Ruiz Patton January 14, 2013 at 09:00 PM
My daughter is an assistant teacher at a dance class and one day the teacher said it was time to warm up. One of the students said, "But I'm not cold."
Mentorite January 17, 2013 at 08:48 PM
My 5 year old grandson wanted to play games on my laptop. When I told him that he couldn't because he can't read yet he replied, "Give me your glasses then."
Devone January 22, 2013 at 05:06 AM
That's so cute! :)
Devone January 22, 2013 at 05:06 AM
Haha! Kids are so funny :)


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